<p>UPDATE: So someone on Mastodon reads my posts here, looks at what I did, and says "why don't you just use [X]?". So I look in the docs, and realize [X] is indeed a far superior solution which is clean and does not introduce additional problems. So I try doing [X]. Long story short, it's now nearly half an hour later and after a series of tests I believe I've found a bug in the Rust compiler and I'm setting up to file a bug on Cargo</p>
