<p>Listen. I’m in Alabama, which is one of the *very* few states that doesn’t have early voting, which is so red that OxyClean can’t help, and which is so politically lopsided that a bunch of seats up for grabs don’t even have a Democrat candidate. Know what I’m doing on 5 November? I’m voting so hard for Kamala Harris that it’s gonna leave permanent marks on the table and make the foundations of the church fellowship hall (our polling place) crack. I don’t give a shit what anybody says; EVERY vote counts.</p>